Why sharing isn't always good for you.
- Joanna Allegra Madison
- Nov 6
- 5 min read
Updated: Nov 11
Scroll through LinkedIn or any social feed and it’s inescapable we’ve become a world of sharers. Our triumphs, our opinions, our frustrations even our morning coffee, everything’s up for public consumption.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Sharing isn’t bad. It connects us, builds community and lets us be seen. But the sharing I am talking about is the vent or rant and sometimes I wonder have we gone a little soft?
I say this as someone who spent years in senior corporate life before retraining as a hypnotherapist and psychotherapist. I’ve watched the world of work change and not always in ways that make us more resilient, calm, or self-aware.
These days, it feels like everyone’s sharing but not necessarily processing.
🧠 Why we love to share the bad stuff
When we share our anger, frustration, or just our everyday grumpiness, something quite fascinating happens in the brain. We get a hit of adrenaline, cortisol & norepinephrine these hormones put us in a state of readiness, into our fight flight or freeze response.
When we vent and someone listens, maybe empathises and our brain says, “Ahh, relief.” It gives us a kind of psychological comfort blanket. However like any reward mechanism, that small rush can become addictive and from a therapists perspective we would call that secondary gain.
The more we share our frustrations, the more we reinforce the habit. And before we know it, we’re not just talking about our daily challenges we are actively feeding them.
⚡ The hidden cost of constant sharing
When we’re caught in the loop of constant venting or complaining we stop ourselves from doing three crucial things:
Letting small irritations pass us by.
Every minor frustration that we give voice to demands our attention. Instead of allowing it to drift away, we amplify it, draining energy that could be used more productively.
Allowing our brain to find better solutions.
When we complain, we close the mental loop with emotional release, which can prevent us from engaging the creative or problem-solving parts of our brain.
Focusing on joy and perspective.
Every minute spent in the noise of irritation is a minute stolen from noticing the quiet brilliance of being alive, the moments of wonder, gratitude, and flow that truly recharge and revitalise us.
🌀 The flight, fight, or freeze of modern life
Now here’s where the neuroscience gets really interesting. When we habitually share frustrations, we’re effectively training the brain to scan for what is wrong.
That primes our fight, flight or freeze response the body’s natural survival system. Low-level grumbling, gossip, or irritation might seem harmless but it keeps the nervous system in a state of alert.
Cortisol and adrenaline are released in small doses. Our muscles stay slightly tense. Our attention narrows.
And our energy the kind that fuels leadership, clarity, and creativity, slowly drains away.
We don’t do this consciously. It’s the brain’s autopilot. But imagine for a second you could hit Ctrl + Alt + Delete and open your internal Task Manager.
What would you find?
Probably a list of background programmes quietly running: old frustrations, replayed conversations, habitual scanning for what could go wrong. Every single one consuming precious mental bandwidth.
No wonder we feel exhausted before our day even starts.
🧘♀️ The power of doing nothing
So what if, instead of rewarding ourselves by sharing everything, we tried something radical , what if we tried doing nothing?
What if we simply sat with it?
That moment when someone cuts you off in traffic and the red mist descends. The rolling of the eyes as ‘that’ colleague misses the deadline again. The slow Wi-Fi when you need it most, the queue for lunch when you’re already late, the mess.
What if you could just… notice it, and let it pass?
Now, and this is important, I’m not talking about suppressing emotion or minimising mental health challenges. Conditions like depression, anxiety, trauma, and burnout are serious and deserve professional care, understanding, and compassion.
They can present with similar symptoms, fatigue, irritability, overthinking but they come from a very different place and need a very different response.
What I’m exploring here is the everyday noise the habitual, low-level frustration that fills our subconscious and keeps us in mild but constant survival mode.
By choosing not to engage with those smaller irritations, we interrupt the habit loop. We give the brain space to reset, to find perspective, to prioritise.
It’s a simple shift, but a profound one.
🌿 From survival to presence
When we stop fanning the flames of frustration the body begins to do what it was designed to do return to balance.
Our focus sharpens. Our nervous system steps down from high alert. We begin to notice what’s actually happening in the present moment, not just what’s wrong with it.
In leadership, this shift is everything. It’s the difference between reacting and responding, between managing and inspiring.
When we calm the inner noise, we don’t just create space for better thinking we create space for better living.
🌀 So, what does this have to do with hypnotherapy?
Quite a lot, actually.
Hypnotherapy works directly with the subconscious mind the same place where these patterns and reactions live. It’s not about losing control or being “put under.” It’s about accessing the deeper layers of thought, emotion, and habit that shape how we experience the world.
When I work with clients often CEOs, founders, and senior leaders the goal isn’t to eliminate stress or stop sharing altogether. It’s to retrain the unconscious mind to process experiences differently:
To let small irritations pass instead of taking root.
To reduce the background noise of tension and overthinking.
To rewire old loops of frustration into clarity, calm, and confidence.
It’s a recalibration of your internal operating system freeing up mental bandwidth and restoring energy for what really matters.
🌅 The invitation
We live in a world that rewards reaction. Algorithms feed on it. Conversations thrive on it. But awareness, real awareness is an act of silent rebellion.
Next time you feel the urge to share that annoyance, pause. Notice it. Don’t feed it.
Ask yourself instead: What if I just let this one go?
You might be surprised at the clarity and calm that follow.
Because maybe the antidote to “sharing everything” isn’t silence it’s sovereignty. It’s choosing where to place your attention. It’s remembering that freedom doesn’t come from expression alone it comes from awareness.
Joanna Allegra Madison Founder, [mindSource]Clinical Hypnotherapist & Psychotherapist | Helping Leaders Wake Up, Reset, and Reconnect
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